* Righty Tighty Lefty Loosey!!
* With a can of WD-40, some Duct Tape and a few wire ties you can fix anything!
* In the unlikely event that you jump from an airplane and your parachute fails, the chances are still good that you'll survive but you'll most likely be a couple inches shorter.
* You can't count on an "If-Then" : If this happens Then I'll do that. Because when you plan on the IF happening, it never does and all your plans go to shit!
* Measure twice, cut once!
* Bubble Wrap makes a great Christmas present!
* Don't hide your stash in the glovebox of your '72 Duster because someone might try to be a nice guy and renew your vehicle registration and find it, you dumb ass! Don't hide it out back in the shed either, you never know when someone might decide that it's time to clean it out. Dumb Ass!!
* Do it right the first time or don't do it at all.
* The politically correct term would be "Afro Engineering" and you want to try to avoid doing it unless you're seriously stuck and then that Duct Tape and Wire Ties are gonna come in handy!
* One of the most beautifull sights in the world is a Snow-Bird heading North for the Summer with a New Yorker under each arm!! Seriously!
* Close only counts in Horseshoes and Hand Grenades!
* Don't complain, because anything is better than: A Jab in the Eye with a Sharp Stick! You don't like your christmas present? Better than a jab in the eye with a sharp stick! Job sucks? Better than a jab in the eye with a sharp stick. You get the idea.
* Oxymorons: Plastic Glass, Jumbo Shrimp, Military Intelligence.
* That ought to do it for now....... There will be more to come!!
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